“Will you read my novel?” 

For writers, those are five of the most dangerous panic-inducing words in the English language.

But I didn’t know that when I joyously handed the toddler-sized 3-ring binder over to my best friend.

I had finally crawled my way through the dark shark-infested waters of a first full rough draft.
(If you've gotten there, then you recognize the deep and jagged scars from that journey.) 

I wanted to share the amazing world I had created with someone I trusted.

Besides, I’d read somewhere that to be a “real” writer, I had to have beta readers.

When he returned the binder a couple months later, my novel looked like a terrier had gleefully rampaged through the pages with a red pen. 

"You didn't LIKE it???”

“It needs a lot of work,” he told me. 

By work, he meant grammar and punctuation. Which he’d helpfully “fixed” throughout the entire manuscript. ​Line by line. 

That wasn't what I expected. Definitely not what I wanted.

Ego crushed, I wanted to beat Mr. Grammar repeatedly ​over the head with terrier-massacred novel. “Needs work, huh?” 

Instead, in a righteous huff, I ignored him for weeks. That would teach him.

That experience nearly ruined our friendship. 

Although our friendship survived, I never gave him anything I’d written again.

It took me a ridiculously long time to realize I really hadn’t wanted him to read my novel. 

I just wanted him to tell me how awesome I was. 

I wanted him to love my story as much as I did. Not because the story was any good, but because I had created it. 

When he massacred it with a red pen, I took it to mean he didn’t like the story or worse, me.

Like we were still in middle school or something and he’d told me my favorite TV show Fantasy Island was stupid.

I didn’t know better.

It can feel frustrating to try and find the right people to read your novel. 

The people we usually think of first are the people closest to us: family, parents, friends, spouse, partner. 

And let's face it, these are often the people who shouldn’t be anywhere near our writing process.
(As I learned the hard way.)

So, I wrote a couple weeks ago about the suckage of critique groups. 

And I heard back from a few of you who said, “Yeah, I’ve been there. BUT….. How do I know who to share my writing with?”

How do you choose who to give your novel to? 

In the online world, writers have no shortage of opportunities to share our writing.

It can feel like every time you join a group there are match-making Tinder services for beta readers.

I’m an Epic Fantasy. After mastering Dothraki, I started wondering if maybe my true genre calling isn’t historical international spy novel. Jason Borne meets Sherlock Holmes. Right now, I’m trying to decide if I’m first or third person. Wanna help me explore my options? Message me and I’ll send you a first page and possible cover designs. Let’s chat.

But it can be difficult to know who and when you start sharing your hard-written novel with.

Here are three questions to ask yourself before you share your novel: 

1. What kind of feedback are you looking for on your novel?

   This is critical. Be honest with yourself.
   
   Are you looking for someone to pat you on the back and tell you how awesome you are? Or do you need someone to copy edit the entire manuscript before you send it to an agent?
   
   

2. Are you emotionally attached to this person’s feedback?

   You want to find beta readers whose reactions you are not emotionally wrapped up in. Or whose reactions you can divorce yourself from.
   
   Not all stories are for all readers. If your reader doesn’t like your book, are you going to take it personally? You don’t want to get a divorce because your Tolkien-loving spouse doesn’t care for your contemporary thriller.

   
   

3. Can this person commit to reading your novel?

   When you give someone your novel you’re asking for a huge commitment.
   
   Does this person have the time to read your novel and give you the kind of feedback you’re looking for? Can they do it in a timely fashion?
   
   

4. Can this person give you meaningful feedback on your novel?

   You want readers who know how to say something meaningful about your story.
   
   Being told, “I love all of it! When can I read the next one,” or “I think it should be written from the dog’s perspective,” isn’t helpful. 
   

Be super deliberate about who you choose to show your work and at what point in your process they see it. 

You’re not only protecting your work, you’re protecting your relationships.

Look for people who love to read books in the genre you’re writing in. The best beta readers are often people you don’t have a very close relationship to — like someone you’ve met at a writing conference or workshop.

It must have taken my friend a staggering number of hours to copy edit my novel. We’re talking Indiana Jones with a toothbrush in the Sahara uncovering dinosaur bones.

In his own way, he was trying to be super helpful. He didn’t know it wasn’t helpful for me or my novel. It was a rough draft after all, and most of those pages disappeared in the next draft.

Looking back, I’m embarrassed that I didn’t say, “All I want you to do is tell me I’m awesome. You don’t even have to read it. Let’s just celebrate!” 

We could have had a lot more fun.

Hello!
My name is Jocelyn.

Story warrior, book lover, day dreamer, gardener, and creative. I help serious writers roll up their sleeves, get their novel ready for publishing, and reach readers. When I’m not elbow-deep in the story trenches, I’m outside world-building in my garden and battling weeds with my three criminal mastermind cats.