A conversation I hate having with clients:

“You hired me to help you write a book. If you’re not writing a book, I can’t help you write a book. And right now, you’re just lighting money on fire in the street.”

We have this chat when the writer has come to a complete and irrevocable stall.

We’re not talking about a brief slowing down. That’s perfectly normal. And expected.

No, this is the writing equivalent of the doldrums. Everything grinds to a halt. No wind. No current. Just endless bobbing around, no land in sight.

In extreme cases, sometimes the writer stops turning in pages or showing up for calls.

The stall could result from any number of things, including:

• life events (We all remember COVID)

• writing fatigue

• creative constipation

• losing interest

• trash talk

This last one is one of the most frustrating things for me to see, and heartbreaking when it causes a writer to stop writing.

I’m a book coach and I want you to get words on the page. I’m going to push you to write and finish your book.

AND...

(And this is the really important part.)

Trash talking your writing leads to no writing.

Sometimes permanently.

Too often I see writers attach their sense of self to their writing. If they’re stuck, they’re failing. If they don’t get something perfect, they’re a loser.

“My writing is a mess. I mean it’s really, really bad. I don’t even want to look at it.”

For some people, trash talk can be motivating. I’ve had people tell me it inspires them to prove the trash talk wrong. But I have yet to work with a writer that gains any positive value from badmouthing their writing.

Imagine someone else telling you, “Your writing is a mess. I mean, it’s really, really bad. I don’t even want to look at it.”

How would that make you feel? Chances are you’re going to be shocked, upset, sad, pissed, or some combination of all. I’m willing to concede that for a few tough souls out there it might inspire you to prove them wrong, but it’s still going to damage how you think of your writing.

And the same thing happens when you trash talk yourself.

As a book coach, listening to writers talk about and apologize for how bad their writing can get really old, fast. It's also demoralizing.

“You believed in yourself enough to invest in your writing, and I believed enough in your writing to take you on as a client—let’s not disrespect either of us by agreeing your writing sucks and is unsalvageable. It uses up the time and emotional energy that could instead go into productive writing.”

Sometimes writers benefit from tough love from me to keep their butts in the chair, or to keep revising until they get it right. I’m never going to trash talk a writer’s work. Does writing need work? Yes. Is it terrible awful no good light it on fire and tell the writer they’re worthless? NEVER.

Tell yourself often enough that your writing is shit, and you’re probably going to believe it. Sometimes to the point where you no longer write.

And once that happens, it’s not something that I as a book coach can easily fix.

When a client hits this trash talk wall, it’s time for an honest writing re-evaluation talk that usually includes me saying something like, "Are you sure you really want to be writing? WHY?"

Two things to think about if you find yourself spiraling into trash talk:

#1 Detach from the results

The amount of pages you write, how fast you finish your book, or even if you finish it, does not define your worth.

Whether your book is read by hundreds or thousands or a hundred thousand readers will not change your value as a person.

Draw your motivation not from your results, but your enjoyment of writing. Remind yourself why you started writing in the first place.

​

#2 Remember the big picture

The work you’re doing today is building the habits, skills, and consistency necessary to have long-term writing success.

You may not be as far as fast as you want to be or think you should be.

So what? That’s perfectly fine and normal. Remind yourself how far you've come since you first started.

All of us would love to wake up tomorrow exactly where we dream of being today. Getting to that successfully published tomorrow we dream about? That’s part of the process. Your process.

Writing a book is a process—an individual creative process through a series of steps towards reaching a goal. That’s it. It’s not a measure of you as a person.

You will make yourself a better writer by recognizing the value of yourself and your writing. Banish badmouthing your writing from your writing life (your entire life!) and stop making yourself feel like shit.

Hello!
My name is Jocelyn.

Story warrior, book lover, day dreamer, gardener, and creative. I help serious writers roll up their sleeves, get their novel ready for publishing, and reach readers. When I’m not elbow-deep in the story trenches, I’m outside world-building in my garden and battling weeds with my three criminal mastermind cats.