most boring book in the world read it if you don't enjoy life
The novel you’re writing is boring as hell.
How do I know?
Because it’s what you’re thinking. It’s what my clients tell me.
One of the questions I love asking writers is, “What’s the worst one-star review you can imagine getting on your novel?”
Nearly every response is some version of:
“Dullest novel I’ve ever read. The characters were boring. Couldn’t connect. The plot was totally predictable. I’ll never get those hours of my life back.”
Afraid this might be you someday, you’re….
Holding yourself back from writing the political environmental thriller you know is going to piss people off.
Worried about what your mom is going to think of you when she reads the steamy shower sex scene you wrote.
Hiding behind a happy cozy mystery because you don’t want the world to see what dark and gritty things live in your head. Or vice versa.
Writing a derivative of OUTLANDER because men in kilts make bestsellers.
Okay, maybe you’re not wrong with that last one … but still ...
You’re playing it safe.
And no one wants that. Especially your readers.
Your readers do not want the watered down version of your story.
Readers want the bold, kick-ass version of your story. They want loud, messy, struggling characters faced with impossible odds and horrible decisions.
Circe Lannister. Javert. Hannibal Lecter. Amy Elliott. Lisbeth Salander. Jane Eyre.
The list goes on and on across many genres. Transcending pages to film and television.
(I know you have your own selection of characters that stay stuck with you long after you’ve finished the book.)
What do all these characters have in common?
They evoke emotion. They made readers FEEL.
And readers will forgive an imperfect story if you make them feel something.
While you’re too afraid of what people will think when you put it out into the world or perfecting the plot …
Novels like 50 SHADES OF GREY, TWILIGHT, and DA VINCI CODE are selling hundreds of thousands of copies decades after they were published because their audiences caught fire.
Okay, so other than gasoline and a match, how do you light your readers on fire?
Before you can light your readers on fire, you have to light yourself on fire about what you’re writing.
You’ve got to get your passion about your story out and on the page.
Four simple things you can do right now to help light yourself on fire:
Write about what enrages you.
Write about the worst thing you’ve ever said to someone.
Write about the first time you fell in love.
Write about saying goodbye for the last time.
No one’s going to see any of this. Let yourself go. Get messy.
Feeling uncomfortable? Awkward? Like you’re writing “too much emotion?”
Good. Then you’re doing it right.
Take those words and all that messy emotion and put it somewhere in your novel.
Don’t worry, you don’t have to fit all of it in. But try it. Give a line or two to one of your characters.
I’m sure there’s a place it will fit. If not? Make one.
Write with passion. Light yourself, your story, and your readers on fire.
If you do that, maybe you’ll be lucky that you’ve made your readers feel something 60 years after your novel was published. And you’ll receive a one- star review like this:
“most boring book in the world read it if you don't enjoy life.” -- To Kill a Mockingbird
Hello!
My name is Jocelyn.
Story warrior, book lover, day dreamer, gardener, and creative. I help serious writers roll up their sleeves, get their novel ready for publishing, and reach readers. When I’m not elbow-deep in the story trenches, I’m outside world-building in my garden and battling weeds with my three criminal mastermind cats.
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