pulling the plug on your writing
hen I was about 10, my dad said to me, “You're a girl, it's important in this world you learn how to walk tall with confidence.”
He signed me up for every little girl's dream -- horseback riding lessons.
My first real job was mucking out horse stalls on the weekends for .50 cents a stall. Some kids had paper routes, I shoveled horse manure.
Let me tell you [FIRST NAME GOES HERE], wheelbarrows of manure were a million miles away from my dreams of riding in the Olympics.
Birthday, Christmas, work money, whatever I could scrounge from the couch -- I saved every dollar to support my dream. When I saved up enough money, I purchased an old appaloosa named Bill.
(Dad figured an old horse would be perfect. By the time I moved on to other interests (like boys) Bill would be happy hanging out in a pasture living the good life.)
At sixteen, my dad taught me how to drive a horse trailer when simultaneously teaching me how to drive a car. "You need to learn to be independent if you're going to keep doing this."
The three of us (dad, Bill, and I) drove all over the state having weekend adventures going to horse shows.
For the next nearly twenty years my life revolved around horses.
(So much for my dad's plan, right?)
Everyone says they want to write a book. Like every little girl wants a horse.
Talk is easy. Doing is not. And that’s where dreams start breaking down.
The work involved in making the dream reality is difficult.
A lot of want-to-be writers come to me with the dream of writing a bestselling novel. We spend time talking about the work it’s going to take to make that dream a reality.
Not all dreams become reality.
My job as a book coach is not about telling writers to quit, but sometimes it’s about helping them pull the plug on their writing.
We live in a culture that worships never ever letting go of your dream. We’re surrounded by motivational posters telling us to, “Do whatever it takes and make it happen!”
As creators, we're supposed to live the romanticized dream of suffering our way to greatness. If we're not suffering enough, we're doing it wrong. If we haven't achieved greatness, we're definitely doing it wrong and it's all our fault.
For every famous author story out there to reinforce the mantra of never letting go, there are millions of authors who never get an agent or sell more than 100 copies of their book.
(Those stories don't make nearly as sexy Netflix documentaries.)
For many writers, this is the outline of their story:
You’ve got a great idea for a book! It’s going to be FABULOUS!
You tell some friends. They’re really excited.
You write some pages. This is fun!
Your friends want to know how it’s going and when they can see it.
Soon, you tell them. You should be done in a few weeks.
You stay up all night and get up early and write more.
Your friends want to know when they can buy your book.
If you’re going to write a book, you have to sell it, right?
You’ve never written a book before.
So you sign up for conferences and join a writing group.
You write some more.
You’re stuck.
It’s not as fun.
You’re still stuck.
Writing a book should be fun, right?
You decide to take a few days off.
Read some books for inspiration. Binge watch the entire Gilmore Girls series.
A few days turn into a few weeks.
It’s summer. You go camping.
You feel bad. You know you should be writing.
You force yourself to write, but create a mood playlist on Spotify instead.
It’s fall. Kids are going back to school.
It’s winter. It’s cold outside.
You open your book file, don't remember what you were doing.
Close file. Eat a bag of cookies. (Dark night of the soul.)
It’s spring. You have allergies.
You have a new idea for a book.
It’s summer. You rent a beach house.
Your friends want to know if you're still wasting all your time writing that book.
You want to punch your friends in their faces.
(Don't punch your friends in the face, that causes all kinds of other problems. But hey, it might make for a good book....)
Wanting to write a book turns into thinking you should write a book because you said you were going to do it.
What started out as a great idea full of miraculous possibility is now a chore. Like folding laundry and cleaning the toilet.
I will never tell anyone when to give up on a dream, especially when they’ve carried the dream with them for decades, but I do think it’s extremely important for writers who are struggling with doing the work to have a serious check in with themselves.
If you are struggling to get the work done, ask yourself, “Why am I doing this?”
Pay attention to your answer. And be honest with yourself.
As much as the world may be wanting you to believe it, the worth of the work you do on your journey to become a writer is not dependent on your financial success.
As much as I loved horses, I was never going to realize my dream of being a big time fancy Olympic rider.
I didn't make a dime. I placed in a few small shows.
Along the way I realized I didn't care. I wasn't doing it for the status or the money.
I did it because I loved it.
I had wonderful adventures with my dad and I learned how to walk tall and be confident.
Hello!
My name is Jocelyn.
Story warrior, book lover, day dreamer, gardener, and creative. I help serious writers roll up their sleeves, get their novel ready for publishing, and reach readers. When I’m not elbow-deep in the story trenches, I’m outside world-building in my garden and battling weeds with my three criminal mastermind cats.
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